I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
PANTIES FOUND
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