i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
