College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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