It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
