im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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