There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
