I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Small penises have feelings too.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
