My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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