I didn't shave. On purpose
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
bring money and cleavage
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
