so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
