happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
