Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
