can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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