you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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