I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
