the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When are your genitals available?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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