Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
