the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
