You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I could fuck to npr.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
