I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
