Nicole vs. Life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
