Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
