Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
