So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
