Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
