Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
