32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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