just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
