Just fell off a train. Bad.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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