What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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