She is in my trunk
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
