So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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