I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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