just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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