I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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