On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
