Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
