She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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