Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
