I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
