Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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