My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
