just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
