stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
