What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
