Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize