I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
