im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
