I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
