Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I intend to get homeless drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
