he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
