Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
