i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
