I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
