Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
