my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
