I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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