oh god the rape fog is back!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
