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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat

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• (253): View more from Washington

  My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE

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