We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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