If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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