Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
