I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize