My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
