i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
