when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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