you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
