I just pynch a tree in the face
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
