I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
